Living in a glassbowl…

After minutes of watching orange lights in my window sill, I found my neurons working… and now I am disturbed… is this nostalgia or bliss? I don’t really know. In fact, my psyche is now flooded by thoughts and questions that I myself cannot answer.I find the experience irresistible but isn’t it disturbing to know something that you can’t comprehend? This is me… in this scrap of time. It’s funny how simple things create complicated rows… a plain sunset confronting, completing and stealing a moment’s frame of my mind and suddenly you find yourself lost…

A typical question that was once addressed to me: What is my favorite time of the day? The answer is plain… It’s sunset until dawn. Obvious and as obvious as the words printed above these endless bluffs of mine, that was my answer. An eight word question that was easily responded, easier than a single word query that this day’s sunset threw at me… WHY?

MIRACLES. SILENCE. SOLITUDE and CONCLUSIONS…

Mornings deprive me of these things, and these are plausible reasons why sunset towards dawn became my sanctuary. It’s like receiving generosity from the heavens that you don’t know. The horizon is suddenly putting up a show, right in front of my mortal eyes and for hours I am cradled by streaks of orange clouds and fogs of red sheets towards a blanket of darkness where tiny lights are eager to guard me as I sleep. This is my stolen piece of nirvana and it’s as good as seeing people smile at you during restless mornings… or should I say better?.

A lot of people are uncomfortable with silence… as my counseling mentor said. I say, I have dwelled in a world where people resorts too much on things that can easily be forged and words are definitely one of these things. I may be wrong. But I am tired of noise. Sunset remains honest until dawn but when it gets to morning you never know. I can survive and can till lots of joy but when sunset comes, it comes to be mine and life becomes easier. It’s a windfall moment that frees me from this pragmatic world. When the day gives me this, I am free to play with the kind flashes of persons that I love, those people who are remarkably beautiful; they are more beautiful when I’m alone, drowned in my own thoughts. And when dawn comes I am equipped with happiness that helps me face scornful mornings.

I-do-not-know… how long shall these words last? I want to face this anonymous entity, is it proper to call it entity? Still, I don’t know. I long for conclusions and sunset orients me to a split second’s experience of death. As for now, death is the only thing I have, the closest thing to “answers”. Dawn resembles my heaven. Will I ever be sailing in cloud nine? I can only hope. There’s so much that my mind cannot reach and at times it kills me but when morning wakes me up… I am left with questions again… Where are my found answers? Something, someone grabbed me from my consciousness but mornings are givens.

I can only compromise…