Living in a glassbowl…

All I do today is trying to be brave

And no melody can seem to soothe my mind

And now I curse you for being so sweet and so kind…

One day I’d learn to forget about you. As I find all the reasons to stay, I find myself walking away. What border is it that separates me from you, a barrier you created years ago? Is it commitment outside what is ours? Is it just time, too much time has elapsed without you being there. God knows, you taught me how to hate and forget. I remember how it feels to love you, but how it feels to hold on to you… that I do not know. To risk? That I am not capable of doing. If one day this shall turn into regret…as it was once your mistake, I’d feed myself with solitude. I’m confused. If destiny shall decide, I will hold on to you. If destiny shall take its part, I will come back. Destiny is indecision. Destiny is cowardice. …and yes I don’t have the courage to hold on or to let go. Bravery, I need not now. I hear your loneliness more than you do, I’m not a stone. I curse you for putting me into such a hard feat. To love you is to sacrifice, to be hurt, to be happy, to be left alone, to die for a while, to struggle, to survive, to be begged to come back, to be left on choices, to abandon my refuge, to hold you once again and to doubt whether or not to return to that cycle… to be hurt again. Don’t ask me if I love you. Don’t ask me about the things that I know very well but I’m not capable of defending. Hate me, but know this… I hate myself more than you do. My oath to the man who owns me, my heart to a man I once knew.

I see you’re moving on… and I don’t want to grab you while I’m still holding on to these doubts. One word and you shall come back but it’s not what I want. I shall wish you happiness, hoping that I shall find peace wihen you’re gone. My indecisions shall not make you suffer. Move on as you do, I felt it just today… you’re doing fine and you’ll be fine. I’m somebody else’s own. Smiles and sparks shall be replaced by indecisions for I am holding HIM. You taught me how to forget, let my memory grasp that wisdom. Goodbye… as if I’ll find dignity in these words. Goodbye is never eternal. When will I ever learn to mean those words? One day… some day… My oath to the man who owns me, my heart to a man I once knew…

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